A church hymn I hated for five years

Hymn #223 Have I Done Any Good?

1. Have I done any good in the world today?
Have I helped anyone in need?
Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?
If not, I have failed indeed.
Has anyone's burden been lighter today
Because I was willing to share?
Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?
When they needed my help was I there?

[Chorus]
Then wake up and do something more
Than dream of your mansion above.
Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure,
A blessing of duty and love.

2. There are chances for work all around just now,
Opportunities right in our way.
Do not let them pass by, saying, "Sometime I'll try,"
But go and do something today.
'Tis noble of man to work and to give;
Love's labor has merit alone.
Only he who does something helps others to live.
To God each good work will be known.

Text and music: Will L. Thompson, 1847-1909, alt.

James 1:22, 27

Alma 9:28

Once upon a time, I hated this song. I would see the title and instantly feel like I hadn't done enough good. Even if I'd spent hours taking care of lovely little children, or doing good deeds for neighbors, or listening to friends who needed a listening ear, I somehow felt like I didn't measure up. I could find evidence of failure in messy corners of the kitchen or in unfolded piles of laundry that mocked me for days. There was more evidence of failure in character flaws in myself or dysfunctional family patterns, more evidence of failure in my inability to erase suffering in others or to fix every problem that I saw. I thought I had to do everything and to do it well, and that it was somehow my job to be amazing all the time. I hadn't discovered grace yet.

Lots of women feel this way. We're kinda hard on ourselves and in this relentless quest for perfection, we forget that we're still mortals and not Superwoman. I used to give too much. I'd give and give and give until there was nothing left. I hadn't learned about self-care. Then when I heard this song at church I'd feel guilty for not doing more. 

It took a lot of unraveling to realize that being a perfectionist wasn't helping me find joy. One summer when I was falling apart and beginning to understand why, I rewrote the chorus. I'd been struggling with insomnia, so the bit about waking up was especially annoying. Here's the new chorus:

So sleep in, and do something less

You've already done quite a lot.

Doing good is a pleasure, but pace yourself sister

Or you'll land yourself in the hospital with a nervous breakdown. (The syllables don't match and you have to speed it up...)

I've since learned to appreciate this song again, but it took a while to find balance. Recently I found this arrangement which is my favorite ever, featuring Alex Boye and Carmen Rasmusen Herbert. But my message for the women who take care of too many people and don't spend any time taking care of themselves is this: be wise. You can't do everything. If you're already spread too thin, PLEASE ask for help. It is not needful to run faster than you have strength. On an airplane during an emergency, they say to put on your own oxygen mask first, before helping somebody else put on theirs. It's the same principle here. If you work yourself to death, you're no good to anybody else. Now go take a nap. ;)